My emotions are high today and I feel VERY passionate about some things....that's your warning. My FB status today "Being a christian does not mean you sit on a "holier than thou" throne and judge and belittle people!! Beyond the meaning of following the beliefs of Christianity, It means you let God's unconditional, free love shine on and to others and to serve other people. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU or ME!' I want to see Christian's active in showing God's love instead of just saying we're Christians! BIG DIFFERENCE! I am so thankful for a church that is teaching me how to become active in my faith for God and how to truly LOVE other people regardless (I'm FAR from perfect)...I am not on any throne! We are all servants...no one is above scrubbing any one's feet. I pray a lot that I can become more active and more alive in my faith and in my relationship with God and I want that for EVERYONE!
I/we are to love ALL people...All people are God's people, Christian's or not. We are not to be tearing people down, Romans 12:3 talks about not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. Romans 12: 9-21 sums up "Love in action". READ THAT! Let God's love radiate through you. I promise you this...you will be rewarded in heaven but also on earth. I have lived through some tough things and whether I feel justified to have hatred doesn't matter, if I responded with hatred....well they win, evil wins, and I am just wasting this precious gift of life on earth away, respond with love and your heart will be joyous, wounds begin to heal. Please make efforts with me to love other people, show kindness in all areas of your life, mend broken relationships, don't let petty or even big things get burrow hatred into your hearts. You only have this moment, you are not guaranteed another year, another month, another day, another minute. If someone your acting in meanness or hate to dies tomorrow....do you have regrets? Regrets eat at you, get rid of them! I speak from experience so learn from me so you don't have to learn the hard way.
My 2nd point I want to encourage everyone is be active in your faith. In the past I have been in the "idle" phase of my faith at points in my life. And now that I have been experiencing what it is like to grow and be active in my faith it is SO amazing. I love rejoicing to God of His great works. What are we here for? Is it not to Share God's love and His good news? His Love, His Son's sacrifice is not meant for us to hoard and keep to ourselves. Let God's love fill your heart and overflow into the other's hearts and lives around you. I am far from mastering this but I can tell you the more I love people and work...yes work at not judging people, at lending an ear, at loving people for who they are...my heart fills and beams with Joy. If you aren't active in a church find one, any church, read some scripture, let it sink in, help some random people, open doors for others, pick things up that someone else dropped, buy someone a coffee, pray a few times a day, smile at strangers and say hello as you pass by them, help someone move, make someone a dinner...do any of it...not for recognition but just to grow in loving people, to grow in loving God and having a relationship with God. The kindness that I try to show others fills my heart, (someone called me selfless today...ha)...I'm selfish. Helping people makes me feel happy because I love to see smiles and warm hearts....Helping people is my way of showing others God's love and just maybe there are doors that open that let's me share some of God's good news.
I hope that just one person reads this and lets go of some anger towards someone and can show them love even though it's hard, I hope that someone might read this that is idle in their faith and relationship with God and will find someway to reignite their flame and their beliefs so that they can become a source for God to share His love through.
Dear God, Thank you for your love that cost me nothing, for loving me although I'm a mess, for proving to me that you never waste a hurt. It hurts me to see others of faith not honoring your love and I hope that you will use me to help others see the big picture. Please help me serve your people, keep my mind steadfast on you and your love and your purpose for me. Help me stay active in loving you and loving others. Help us Christians be what you called us to be, an image of you. I love you. Amen.
1Peter 4:8-9 NIV 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Past, Now, and Future
written last night but can't blog from my phone :(
Feeling excited tonight! Hard to wind down and fall asleep. Excited about the PAST year at ECC, the countless lives changed! The growth that so many of us are striving for just amazes me. People just continue to reach out. I love that it's not about me, yes I said that...It's not about me, or them, it's about creating place for people to come, right where they are in their life to hear and learn about God and Jesus. A place they can see God's love and kindness in action on Sundays but also throughout the week. If you were to meet any of us, any day of the week, I feel confident in saying that you would be treated w/ God's love. It's about letting God use us and form the church family that He wants to form and for us to never say "this is enough"...it's never enough, not until every last soul is safe. SO FREAKING EXCITING to be apart of that! God never had to prove anything to me. He has, but I never deserved it. He's proven to me He never wastes a hurt. In my own life I've experienced hurt and seen how He can use it. But now I'm seeing it through others. How He blesses those w/ pains. How He reaches around them, embraces them tightly and carries them through and says "thank you for being faithful, have another blessing". Just sitting here in awe of this Amazing, loving Father! I'm amazed at how He kindly puts me in my place, and He knows when I feel like I'm losing hope in something and He's like "watch this" and then doesn't something super duper BIG just to remind me of HOW BIG He is! Yep That's my God!
I'm excited for my NOW. The perspective that I've gained, for the love that I am able to feel, I know God doesn't have to "reach down" and comfort someone...He is right there, we can just reach out. I'm excited that I get to Share a relationship w/ God with my spouse and my kids. Something I pray I never take for granted. I'm excited for the compliments I got today that remind me that what I do, does matter and that it is all for God and that it's for His Honor, to Glorify Him! One compliment that made my day is this "I want you to know I think you are brave and strong and I am so amazed at your courage. Your faith is very powerful. Thank you for sharing it." Not tooting my horn....This is all God! I say "use me" and he does. He makes me strong, He gives me courage, He makes me want to shout from a mountain about his love and grace, He designed me to want to share His Good news and my Faith in Him! Makes me thrilled that God shines through Little ol' me....pretty awesome!
I'm so excited for the FUTURE! There is SO much more to come! This is not it! God has plans, BIG plans! I don't care what they are...but I can't wait to see them and I just pray that He will use me and that others will continue to let Him use them and New people will get that same eagerness to serve this AMAZING, LOVING God! Just so excited tonight for everything that has been, is now, and that will be!
Feeling excited tonight! Hard to wind down and fall asleep. Excited about the PAST year at ECC, the countless lives changed! The growth that so many of us are striving for just amazes me. People just continue to reach out. I love that it's not about me, yes I said that...It's not about me, or them, it's about creating place for people to come, right where they are in their life to hear and learn about God and Jesus. A place they can see God's love and kindness in action on Sundays but also throughout the week. If you were to meet any of us, any day of the week, I feel confident in saying that you would be treated w/ God's love. It's about letting God use us and form the church family that He wants to form and for us to never say "this is enough"...it's never enough, not until every last soul is safe. SO FREAKING EXCITING to be apart of that! God never had to prove anything to me. He has, but I never deserved it. He's proven to me He never wastes a hurt. In my own life I've experienced hurt and seen how He can use it. But now I'm seeing it through others. How He blesses those w/ pains. How He reaches around them, embraces them tightly and carries them through and says "thank you for being faithful, have another blessing". Just sitting here in awe of this Amazing, loving Father! I'm amazed at how He kindly puts me in my place, and He knows when I feel like I'm losing hope in something and He's like "watch this" and then doesn't something super duper BIG just to remind me of HOW BIG He is! Yep That's my God!
I'm excited for my NOW. The perspective that I've gained, for the love that I am able to feel, I know God doesn't have to "reach down" and comfort someone...He is right there, we can just reach out. I'm excited that I get to Share a relationship w/ God with my spouse and my kids. Something I pray I never take for granted. I'm excited for the compliments I got today that remind me that what I do, does matter and that it is all for God and that it's for His Honor, to Glorify Him! One compliment that made my day is this "I want you to know I think you are brave and strong and I am so amazed at your courage. Your faith is very powerful. Thank you for sharing it." Not tooting my horn....This is all God! I say "use me" and he does. He makes me strong, He gives me courage, He makes me want to shout from a mountain about his love and grace, He designed me to want to share His Good news and my Faith in Him! Makes me thrilled that God shines through Little ol' me....pretty awesome!
I'm so excited for the FUTURE! There is SO much more to come! This is not it! God has plans, BIG plans! I don't care what they are...but I can't wait to see them and I just pray that He will use me and that others will continue to let Him use them and New people will get that same eagerness to serve this AMAZING, LOVING God! Just so excited tonight for everything that has been, is now, and that will be!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A time to Celebrate
A time to Celebrate!
Well it's been a high emotion week. I think I've experienced more emotions than I can count on two hands ranging from lost hope, anger, love, hurt, proud, scared, peace, renewed hope to elated and more! I have had a extra spiritual week as well as I worked with God to forgive myself for things I have done like turning my back on God, asking Him not to look as I did drugs and whatever else. He so patiently waited for me to come back around so He could show me that He never left me that it was me that left Him. It's sad but true. So I forgave myself for that and MUCH more. And I have so much peace because God forgave me before I even asked him to forgive me. Yep He is THAT amazing!
I had a rough week at work (we all have those) and I just don't know what lies ahead for me there but that too I have handed over to God.
My MIL bought a house 10 houses down from me...yes 10 houses down. And has a disorder called Over Invasiveness caused by lack of respect and boundaries which we will be challenged to fight but hoping there is a cure right away. She will be moving in labor day weekend most likely as long as the inspection goes well.
ANNNNDDDD....drum roll.........Best for last...My husband, Tom made a real decision to follow Christ today!!! Yea that's right! God NEVER gave up on him! And met Tom right where he is, broken, lonely, and lost. Tom didn't have to make himself right in order to accept God, didn't have pretend he had it all together, just sat there as himself, as he is today and invited Jesus into his life. A day I have prayed for since I met Tom (not as constant as I should have been at times). And my church family has been praying for this also. So grateful for a church that created an environment where he liked coming, an environment that was safe for him to say..."I'm just trying to figure things out, I'm not sure what I believe", a church that is made up of broken people trying to create an environment that's safe for ALL those lost, broken, unbelievers, people like me that lost track of God and then felt TOO broken, too ashamed to face God. This church has given me renewed faith, my life back, my God back to me! I can smile and be joyous and have people to celebrate Christ with!! It's just the beginning for Tom BUT this is a NEW beginning, one that will include God and I know God has a plan just fit for him! I am so proud of my husband taking this HUGE leap in faith (it comes easy for some and not so easy for others). So yep! My husband turned his life over to christ today! I am more elated than most of you can imagine!! So flipping excited!
Dear God, my father, thank you for showing me once again that you are SO very present, that you hear prayers, that you answers prayers, and that everything is in YOUR time. Thank you for the gift of seeing you answer So many prayers but especially this one. Thank you for ECC and the people that brought it here and created our vision. Thank you for saving me and for saving Tom and for the many other saved lives this past 1.5 years! Thank you for my beautiful family, and for loving us and meeting us right where we are, regardless how Broken we may be. I love you and thank you for loving us! Thank you for being right here, walking with me everyday. Thank you for knowing what I need better than I do. YOU ARE SO MIGHTY! I am not worthy of you love or the healing you have given me and you give it to me anyway. Here I am Lord, Use me, how and where you want to! I am yours. Thank you! I love you God! Amen!
This a moment to celebrate, celebrate Tom giving into God's will. A time to celebrate God's power, God's strength, God's LOVE! Every life turned over to God is a reason to celebrate!
Well it's been a high emotion week. I think I've experienced more emotions than I can count on two hands ranging from lost hope, anger, love, hurt, proud, scared, peace, renewed hope to elated and more! I have had a extra spiritual week as well as I worked with God to forgive myself for things I have done like turning my back on God, asking Him not to look as I did drugs and whatever else. He so patiently waited for me to come back around so He could show me that He never left me that it was me that left Him. It's sad but true. So I forgave myself for that and MUCH more. And I have so much peace because God forgave me before I even asked him to forgive me. Yep He is THAT amazing!
I had a rough week at work (we all have those) and I just don't know what lies ahead for me there but that too I have handed over to God.
My MIL bought a house 10 houses down from me...yes 10 houses down. And has a disorder called Over Invasiveness caused by lack of respect and boundaries which we will be challenged to fight but hoping there is a cure right away. She will be moving in labor day weekend most likely as long as the inspection goes well.
ANNNNDDDD....drum roll.........Best for last...My husband, Tom made a real decision to follow Christ today!!! Yea that's right! God NEVER gave up on him! And met Tom right where he is, broken, lonely, and lost. Tom didn't have to make himself right in order to accept God, didn't have pretend he had it all together, just sat there as himself, as he is today and invited Jesus into his life. A day I have prayed for since I met Tom (not as constant as I should have been at times). And my church family has been praying for this also. So grateful for a church that created an environment where he liked coming, an environment that was safe for him to say..."I'm just trying to figure things out, I'm not sure what I believe", a church that is made up of broken people trying to create an environment that's safe for ALL those lost, broken, unbelievers, people like me that lost track of God and then felt TOO broken, too ashamed to face God. This church has given me renewed faith, my life back, my God back to me! I can smile and be joyous and have people to celebrate Christ with!! It's just the beginning for Tom BUT this is a NEW beginning, one that will include God and I know God has a plan just fit for him! I am so proud of my husband taking this HUGE leap in faith (it comes easy for some and not so easy for others). So yep! My husband turned his life over to christ today! I am more elated than most of you can imagine!! So flipping excited!
Dear God, my father, thank you for showing me once again that you are SO very present, that you hear prayers, that you answers prayers, and that everything is in YOUR time. Thank you for the gift of seeing you answer So many prayers but especially this one. Thank you for ECC and the people that brought it here and created our vision. Thank you for saving me and for saving Tom and for the many other saved lives this past 1.5 years! Thank you for my beautiful family, and for loving us and meeting us right where we are, regardless how Broken we may be. I love you and thank you for loving us! Thank you for being right here, walking with me everyday. Thank you for knowing what I need better than I do. YOU ARE SO MIGHTY! I am not worthy of you love or the healing you have given me and you give it to me anyway. Here I am Lord, Use me, how and where you want to! I am yours. Thank you! I love you God! Amen!
This a moment to celebrate, celebrate Tom giving into God's will. A time to celebrate God's power, God's strength, God's LOVE! Every life turned over to God is a reason to celebrate!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
God is AMAZING
I wrote this last night but silly phone wouldn't upload it.
I am so full of faith and life right now and I feel like I would take any leap for this amazing God! I am beyond grateful....what words can I use to describe this gratitude? I mean my loving God, father, friend, gives me this precious gift of his son dying a tragic, horrid death, rising from the grave so that my debt is paid....so that I can have life eternally, He and only He can make me understand and give purpose to my hurts and allow me to feel the healing in my heart that he has....how to describe my gratitude to this amazing God? Thank you seems like such little words. I thank God, nearly every prayer I start with a sincere "thank u for ECC". Thank you isn't enough!!!! Sharing His love, inviting others to experience His love, His ECC, serving His people...this is my Thank you to God. Sharing his Good News...which should be called Great News...Change your life news! This is the only way I know to do more than say "thank you God". God just amazes me everyday!!!
Tonight, at Worship night, (a Party we get to throw for God), God's love just poured out for me/people so fast, hit me hard! And it's so freakin' amazing to see SO MANY coming forward to announce their decision to follow Christ (through baptism)!!!
It's hits me harder than ever, this is why God made us! To Believe, To announce are faith, move forward with it/with Him, striving for intentional growth...reaching out to everyone, modeling his love to each person we come in contact with, sharing His new Good News!! I am FAR...let me repeat FFFAAARRR from perfect! I get annoyed with people and I take things for granted, I judge (although I work hard to keep my mind neutral), I unfortunately have to catch myself frequently. Thankful God is a forgiving God! But I want to make My God proud. I don't want my hurts wasted, I don't want to waste this precious time on earth with petty BS worries and petty time fillers. I want to SHOUT "I LOVE JESUS and His FATHER!!". I want to LET his love to shine through me, I want to LET him USE me how HE wants to! I want to do this because he first loved me and as a feeble attempt to thank him back!
Tonight was Awesome! My heart was light, Joyous, happy...I shed some tears, tears of utter thrill and disbelief...that our God loves us broken, hopeless, or not. He wants us....it was so absolutely Amazing to see the lives that he has moved in and the decisions to profess their faith! I have felt Satan have a slight hold on me at points .... trying to drag me down and I am quick to see his distractions and quick to say " not today!"
I look forward to God using me! I am surrendered to him! That feels so freakin' amazing!!!!!....!!!!...!!!!!
I am so full of faith and life right now and I feel like I would take any leap for this amazing God! I am beyond grateful....what words can I use to describe this gratitude? I mean my loving God, father, friend, gives me this precious gift of his son dying a tragic, horrid death, rising from the grave so that my debt is paid....so that I can have life eternally, He and only He can make me understand and give purpose to my hurts and allow me to feel the healing in my heart that he has....how to describe my gratitude to this amazing God? Thank you seems like such little words. I thank God, nearly every prayer I start with a sincere "thank u for ECC". Thank you isn't enough!!!! Sharing His love, inviting others to experience His love, His ECC, serving His people...this is my Thank you to God. Sharing his Good News...which should be called Great News...Change your life news! This is the only way I know to do more than say "thank you God". God just amazes me everyday!!!
Tonight, at Worship night, (a Party we get to throw for God), God's love just poured out for me/people so fast, hit me hard! And it's so freakin' amazing to see SO MANY coming forward to announce their decision to follow Christ (through baptism)!!!
It's hits me harder than ever, this is why God made us! To Believe, To announce are faith, move forward with it/with Him, striving for intentional growth...reaching out to everyone, modeling his love to each person we come in contact with, sharing His new Good News!! I am FAR...let me repeat FFFAAARRR from perfect! I get annoyed with people and I take things for granted, I judge (although I work hard to keep my mind neutral), I unfortunately have to catch myself frequently. Thankful God is a forgiving God! But I want to make My God proud. I don't want my hurts wasted, I don't want to waste this precious time on earth with petty BS worries and petty time fillers. I want to SHOUT "I LOVE JESUS and His FATHER!!". I want to LET his love to shine through me, I want to LET him USE me how HE wants to! I want to do this because he first loved me and as a feeble attempt to thank him back!
Tonight was Awesome! My heart was light, Joyous, happy...I shed some tears, tears of utter thrill and disbelief...that our God loves us broken, hopeless, or not. He wants us....it was so absolutely Amazing to see the lives that he has moved in and the decisions to profess their faith! I have felt Satan have a slight hold on me at points .... trying to drag me down and I am quick to see his distractions and quick to say " not today!"
I look forward to God using me! I am surrendered to him! That feels so freakin' amazing!!!!!....!!!!...!!!!!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Cheers
Unable to sleep. I fell a sleep for 15 minutes then Treyton woke me up....and here I am with thoughts of my life running through my mind. I look at my life...and I think I believed in God and Jesus since I was young, I say I think...because now I KNOW I believe in God giving his own son to die on a cross for our sins and be resurrected so that we may have eternal life in heaven. I feel it with every ounce of my being. I feel his love, I feel passion and love for God. I can see that without God I would be full of anger, hate, bitterness and instead I have qualities of God, kindness, forgiveness, compassion and love for people. Even th people that have hurt me badly....I don't wish them pain, I forgive them, pray for them and try to understand that they were hurt as children too. For some reason God has saved me from that crap and allowed me to not be like them. I am so forever grateful to God for that. I feel my life in so many ways is evidence that God exists. I did believe in the simple truth there was a God and a Jesus...I just don't think I understood....the depth of that....that he gave up his son...for me...this mess of a person and that he could save me, save me from my hurts, that he could love me, forgive me and let me into his heavenly home when he deems my time on earth is done. I don't think I understood that, not that I can completely grasp it now either. Now looking back I can see where God was in all my hurts...right there with me helping me get out. I can't help but have this passion to help people know his love and know that he is pursuing them and that he is jealous for their love and attention. I still need a mountain, an outlet, I want someone to know that healing can happen and it happens through Christ. I am so excited for this weekend....might be a mountain in more ways than one....one to conquer and two to shout from and three to celebrate Christ from!!!!
My goals...to wake up daily saying "God Use me, all day, everyday, don't let me sweat the small stuff", to take shame out of abuse, to let people know healing can happen, to help people know about God and his son, to live each day to the fullest, with forgiveness, compassion, and God's love shining through me, to be humbled. I am just a body for God to use...a temple....if someone had said "my body is a temple" a year ago....I would probably would of thought they had lost their minds. But here I am using that sentence, comprehending it, that my body is for God's purpose, to do his work. My experiences are for character building, he's giving me tools to do his work. CRAZY that my God, our God, thinks I/we can do his work...that we are worthy of his love! I am just amazed, I am just at the beginning of grasping this stuff...I can't wait to learn more, to love more, to pray more, to grow more! Cheers to living life for God!
My goals...to wake up daily saying "God Use me, all day, everyday, don't let me sweat the small stuff", to take shame out of abuse, to let people know healing can happen, to help people know about God and his son, to live each day to the fullest, with forgiveness, compassion, and God's love shining through me, to be humbled. I am just a body for God to use...a temple....if someone had said "my body is a temple" a year ago....I would probably would of thought they had lost their minds. But here I am using that sentence, comprehending it, that my body is for God's purpose, to do his work. My experiences are for character building, he's giving me tools to do his work. CRAZY that my God, our God, thinks I/we can do his work...that we are worthy of his love! I am just amazed, I am just at the beginning of grasping this stuff...I can't wait to learn more, to love more, to pray more, to grow more! Cheers to living life for God!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
weathered the storm
I look at my life and how it's coming around....I have this new amazing love for God! I can't get enough reading time in. It's so funny, all my life I have HATED reading. Not much would hold my interest. I currently have 4 or more books waiting to be read, along with reading the bible and my current book. My bible study has me so excited for reading this 66 chapter love book/letter from God (that's what I hear it called). Funny how suddenly I have the patience and actually the ability to comprehend this stuff. I know that it is the work of God, only he could get me to enjoy reading.
He has put these special people in my life...each one for his purpose. I never thought there would be a day when I would say this, "I am thankful for my life, all of it". I can't do anything about the past and God only knows if I'll have tomorrow....so I live for today. I am so amazed that God can take my hurts and turn them into something wonderful...He has done that in creating me. I'm not arrogant, just realize I'm something more than what I thought I was. I am a wonderful mommy full of so much love for these little loves of my life. I have the ability to trust and love people again and I feel God's love for me where before I was so blind thinking I wasn't good enough for him or that he couldn't forgive my mistakes. Sure I'm sad about my past and sure I still deal with things, I hate the dark - ok FEAR the dark! Things trigger bad memories a smell, a voice, a sentence. But a simple prayer and facing and talking about the past gives me a whole new take on it all and gives me strength over it. I would say that if I could do it all over again I would do it differently (thank God I don't have the choice)...but then I think "would I be 1/2 the person I am today without my experiences, without the people that I have encountered throughout my life, without my challenges, short comings, abuse?" "would I be here, in this city, Loving God the way I do right now, doing his work for him?" I was made for this! I was made to mother these little blessing and take my experiences and grow in to this flower. I used a metaphor once that my life was like a garden....some flowers come and go, somethings stay for ever and blossom into such beauty and some weeds need picked, sometimes the flowers get weepy. I am a flower in my own garden....weathered the storms (im sure there will be more), weeped from time to time, but God has poured his love into me and give me strength and growth and has allowed me to bloom.
I am blessed beyond belief...just for the simple fact this amazing God loves me, right here, right now....in my mess and all!
He has put these special people in my life...each one for his purpose. I never thought there would be a day when I would say this, "I am thankful for my life, all of it". I can't do anything about the past and God only knows if I'll have tomorrow....so I live for today. I am so amazed that God can take my hurts and turn them into something wonderful...He has done that in creating me. I'm not arrogant, just realize I'm something more than what I thought I was. I am a wonderful mommy full of so much love for these little loves of my life. I have the ability to trust and love people again and I feel God's love for me where before I was so blind thinking I wasn't good enough for him or that he couldn't forgive my mistakes. Sure I'm sad about my past and sure I still deal with things, I hate the dark - ok FEAR the dark! Things trigger bad memories a smell, a voice, a sentence. But a simple prayer and facing and talking about the past gives me a whole new take on it all and gives me strength over it. I would say that if I could do it all over again I would do it differently (thank God I don't have the choice)...but then I think "would I be 1/2 the person I am today without my experiences, without the people that I have encountered throughout my life, without my challenges, short comings, abuse?" "would I be here, in this city, Loving God the way I do right now, doing his work for him?" I was made for this! I was made to mother these little blessing and take my experiences and grow in to this flower. I used a metaphor once that my life was like a garden....some flowers come and go, somethings stay for ever and blossom into such beauty and some weeds need picked, sometimes the flowers get weepy. I am a flower in my own garden....weathered the storms (im sure there will be more), weeped from time to time, but God has poured his love into me and give me strength and growth and has allowed me to bloom.
I am blessed beyond belief...just for the simple fact this amazing God loves me, right here, right now....in my mess and all!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
One Year ago
Just thinking back to a year ago! I wish I had posted this last night but I didn't want to get up and sit at my computer at midnight. The message at church today was "God, are you there?" and about How to hear God when he speaks to us and last night I was going to post about 1 year ago when I heard God speak to me.
1 year ago last Monday, I came home from my GG and immediately obeyed God. I had never heard him more clearly than I did that night. He was telling me it was time to reach out to my biological family. I came home and checked on FB and immediately sent a friend request to my biological Aunt and my biological mom. I didn't hesitate one moment...I'm not saying after the fact I wasn't scared to death of what was done or scared of what might come of it (cause I was). You see I had spent MANY of years hiding form the people from my past, people that hurt me, people that still were connected to the people that hurt me. I had gotten married and not shared my new last name with anyone in connection to them and moved to my current town. Obeying God that night was the best thing for me.
I heard God that night! I had truly opened my heart and mind to him, put total faith in the fact he must know more than me and that he and only he, could protect me and carry me through what would come of it. Amazing how he has transformed me and is showing me his purpose.
Just one year ago...I was just wondering through this life thinking I've made it to the other side, I was a victim, once a believer but then lost...totally lost, just going through the motions of life, being a working mom, wife, attempting to have friends. I trusted very few people and shared very few deep details about my life.
One year later I am growing, growing as a person, growing from my hurts, growing in my faith and love for God, growing as a friend, wife, and mommy! I get excited to read the word of God (which I have always hated to read). One year ago I chose to obey God and to trust him and he has given me faith, life, excitement, love, he taught me to control my fear, to not think about myself, to forgive others and forgive myself, he has humbled me and helped me admit my mistakes, he has also made me see I am a survivor, he has given me true friendships and helped me learn to trust people and invest in people. He has given me his love and I just want to shout out about it ALL the time...I fear I will annoy people so I try to not be the "weird Christian" that everyone avoids but my passion for God and ECC has a giant hold on me. I want to share this amazing God! I want everyone to have a chance at having control over their pain and not let their pain control them!!! I thought my wounds were healed so long ago when really God allowed me to shove them under the carpet and pretend Iwas fine until 1 year ago, he knew I could trust him enough to start digging into all of these emotions and my past. Talking about things has done wonders and I can say in one year my life, attitude, and faith have done a 180! I am SO SO grateful for Eastlake and my Eastlake family and Growth Groups and most of all To God for my past year. I am SO VERY ready to start helping others face their past and begin this journey of healing!
The funny part....maybe funny or just interesting....I was so expecting not to like ECC, I tried it once and gave this awful review, nit picking at stupid stuff (still ashamed but it is what it is). I went back 4 weeks later and I was hooked! God got me there...that was ALL God I am sure and even with me fighting everything, he did it. He knew me and knew I missed him and church and fellowship. I wasn't even sure how to face God at this point. On the last day of sign up I signed up for a growth group reluctantly...hoping it was full...again God did that, there was still space and then he nudged me to go be uncomfortable at my group of people I didn't even know! And then go back again the following week...of course after that it got easier but none of that was me, It was all God pulling me along like the ball at the end of a chain. You see, he pursues each of us and if we give a little he will pull us along. That's why that one night I just gave it all to him, came home obeyed and I am seeing a glimmer of his purpose for me and makes my past all OK. I am who I am because of it all and sure I wish it had never happened but it is what it is and God has made me this bright star full of his light. He wants that for everyone I am sure. So give him an inch and let him take you a mile.
1 year ago last Monday, I came home from my GG and immediately obeyed God. I had never heard him more clearly than I did that night. He was telling me it was time to reach out to my biological family. I came home and checked on FB and immediately sent a friend request to my biological Aunt and my biological mom. I didn't hesitate one moment...I'm not saying after the fact I wasn't scared to death of what was done or scared of what might come of it (cause I was). You see I had spent MANY of years hiding form the people from my past, people that hurt me, people that still were connected to the people that hurt me. I had gotten married and not shared my new last name with anyone in connection to them and moved to my current town. Obeying God that night was the best thing for me.
I heard God that night! I had truly opened my heart and mind to him, put total faith in the fact he must know more than me and that he and only he, could protect me and carry me through what would come of it. Amazing how he has transformed me and is showing me his purpose.
Just one year ago...I was just wondering through this life thinking I've made it to the other side, I was a victim, once a believer but then lost...totally lost, just going through the motions of life, being a working mom, wife, attempting to have friends. I trusted very few people and shared very few deep details about my life.
One year later I am growing, growing as a person, growing from my hurts, growing in my faith and love for God, growing as a friend, wife, and mommy! I get excited to read the word of God (which I have always hated to read). One year ago I chose to obey God and to trust him and he has given me faith, life, excitement, love, he taught me to control my fear, to not think about myself, to forgive others and forgive myself, he has humbled me and helped me admit my mistakes, he has also made me see I am a survivor, he has given me true friendships and helped me learn to trust people and invest in people. He has given me his love and I just want to shout out about it ALL the time...I fear I will annoy people so I try to not be the "weird Christian" that everyone avoids but my passion for God and ECC has a giant hold on me. I want to share this amazing God! I want everyone to have a chance at having control over their pain and not let their pain control them!!! I thought my wounds were healed so long ago when really God allowed me to shove them under the carpet and pretend Iwas fine until 1 year ago, he knew I could trust him enough to start digging into all of these emotions and my past. Talking about things has done wonders and I can say in one year my life, attitude, and faith have done a 180! I am SO SO grateful for Eastlake and my Eastlake family and Growth Groups and most of all To God for my past year. I am SO VERY ready to start helping others face their past and begin this journey of healing!
The funny part....maybe funny or just interesting....I was so expecting not to like ECC, I tried it once and gave this awful review, nit picking at stupid stuff (still ashamed but it is what it is). I went back 4 weeks later and I was hooked! God got me there...that was ALL God I am sure and even with me fighting everything, he did it. He knew me and knew I missed him and church and fellowship. I wasn't even sure how to face God at this point. On the last day of sign up I signed up for a growth group reluctantly...hoping it was full...again God did that, there was still space and then he nudged me to go be uncomfortable at my group of people I didn't even know! And then go back again the following week...of course after that it got easier but none of that was me, It was all God pulling me along like the ball at the end of a chain. You see, he pursues each of us and if we give a little he will pull us along. That's why that one night I just gave it all to him, came home obeyed and I am seeing a glimmer of his purpose for me and makes my past all OK. I am who I am because of it all and sure I wish it had never happened but it is what it is and God has made me this bright star full of his light. He wants that for everyone I am sure. So give him an inch and let him take you a mile.
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