One Year ago

Just thinking back to a year ago!  I wish I had posted this last night but I didn't want to get up and sit at my computer at midnight.  The message at church today was "God, are you there?" and about How to hear God when he speaks to us and last night I was going to post about 1 year ago when I heard God speak to me.

1 year ago last Monday, I came home from my GG and immediately obeyed God. I had never heard him more clearly than I did that night. He was telling me it was time to reach out to my biological family.  I came home and checked on FB and immediately sent a friend request to my biological Aunt and my biological mom.  I didn't hesitate one moment...I'm not saying after the fact I wasn't scared to death of what was done or scared of what might come of it (cause I was).  You see I had spent MANY of years hiding form the people from my past, people that hurt me, people that still were connected to the people that hurt me.  I had gotten married and not shared my new last name with anyone in connection to them and moved to my current town.  Obeying God that night was the best thing for me.

I heard God that night!  I had truly opened my heart and mind to him, put total faith in the fact he must know more than me and that he and only he, could protect me and carry me through what would come of it.  Amazing how he has transformed me and is showing me his purpose. 

Just one year ago...I was just wondering through this life thinking I've made it to the other side, I was a victim, once a believer but then lost...totally lost, just going through the motions of life, being a working mom, wife, attempting to have friends.  I trusted very few people and shared very few deep details about my life.

One year later I am growing, growing as a person, growing from my hurts, growing in my faith and love for God, growing as a friend, wife, and mommy!  I get excited to read the word of God (which I have always hated to read).  One year ago I chose to obey God and to trust him and he has given me faith, life, excitement, love, he taught me to control my fear, to not think about myself, to forgive others and forgive myself, he has humbled me and helped me admit my mistakes, he has also made me see I am a survivor, he has given me true friendships and helped me learn to trust people and invest in people.  He has given me his love and I just want to shout out about it ALL the time...I fear I will annoy people so I try to not be the "weird Christian" that everyone avoids but my passion for God and ECC has a giant hold on me.  I want to share this amazing God!  I want everyone to have a chance at having control over their pain and not let their pain control them!!!  I thought my wounds were healed so long ago when really God allowed me to shove them under the carpet and pretend Iwas fine until 1 year ago, he knew I could trust him enough to start digging into all of these emotions and my past.  Talking about things has done wonders and I can say in one year my life, attitude, and faith have done a 180!  I am SO SO grateful for Eastlake and my Eastlake family and Growth Groups and most of all To God for my past year.  I am SO VERY ready to start helping others face their past and begin this journey of healing!

The funny part....maybe funny or just interesting....I was so expecting not to like ECC, I tried it once and gave this awful review, nit picking at stupid stuff (still ashamed but it is what it is).  I went back 4 weeks later and I was hooked!  God got me there...that was ALL God I am sure and even with me fighting everything, he did it.  He knew me and knew I missed him and church and fellowship.  I wasn't even sure how to face God at this point.  On the last day of sign up I signed up for a growth group reluctantly...hoping it was full...again God did that, there was still space and then he nudged me to go be uncomfortable at my group of people I didn't even know!  And then go back again the following week...of course after that it got easier but none of that was me, It was all God pulling me along like the ball at the end of a chain.  You see, he pursues each of us and if we give a little he will pull us along.  That's why that one night I just gave it all to him, came home obeyed and I am seeing a glimmer of his purpose for me and makes my past all OK.  I am who I am because of it all and sure I wish it had never happened but it is what it is and God has made me this bright star full of his light.  He wants that for everyone I am sure.  So give him an inch and let him take you a mile.