weathered the storm

I look at my life and how it's coming around....I have this new amazing love for God!  I can't get enough reading time in.  It's so funny, all my life I have HATED reading.  Not much would hold my interest.  I currently have 4 or more books waiting to be read, along with reading the bible and my current book.  My bible study has me so excited for reading this 66 chapter love book/letter from God (that's what I hear it called).  Funny how suddenly I have the patience and actually the ability to comprehend this stuff.  I know that it is the work of God, only he could get me to enjoy reading. 

He has put these special people in my life...each one for his purpose.  I never thought there would be a day when I would say this, "I am thankful for my life, all of it".  I can't do anything about the past and God only knows if I'll have tomorrow....so I live for today.  I am so amazed that God can take my hurts and turn them into something wonderful...He has done that in creating me.  I'm not arrogant, just realize I'm something more than what I thought I was.  I am a wonderful mommy full of so much love for these little loves of my life.  I have the ability to trust and love people again and I feel God's love for me where before I was so blind thinking I wasn't good enough for him or that he couldn't forgive my mistakes.  Sure I'm sad about my past and sure I still deal with things, I hate the dark - ok FEAR the dark!  Things trigger bad memories a smell, a voice, a sentence.  But a simple prayer and facing and talking about the past gives me a whole new take on it all and gives me strength over it.  I would say that if I could do it all over again I would do it differently (thank God I don't have the choice)...but then I think "would I be 1/2 the person I am today without my experiences, without the people that I have encountered throughout my life, without my challenges, short comings, abuse?"  "would I be here, in this city, Loving God the way I do right now, doing his work for him?"  I was made for this!  I was made to mother these little blessing and take my experiences and grow in to this flower.  I used a metaphor once that my life was like a garden....some flowers come and go, somethings stay for ever and blossom into such beauty and some weeds need picked, sometimes the flowers get weepy.  I am a flower in my own garden....weathered the storms (im sure there will be more), weeped from time to time, but God has poured his love into me and give me strength and growth and has allowed me to bloom.

I am blessed beyond belief...just for the simple fact this amazing God loves me, right here, right now....in my mess and all!